Toilet Flowers

Just when you think you have the most perfect, angelic, ADORABLE new baby possible-- she turns 13 months and flushes Daddy's computer mouse down the toilet.

But not the old toilet in the old bathroom. Oh no that just won't do. The brand NEW toilet! In the brand new bathroom. THAT one.

Who transitioned my sweet, innocent baby into the toddler terror realm? Satan, that's who.

So yes. The new toilet became hopelessly clogged today.

Knowing that it would likely have to be dismantled or at least examined, I took great care to scrub down the toilet and fill it full of pretty smelling cleaners to help the process be less painful.

Man. I had that toilet smelling SO GOOD. Like roses, really. Rainbows and unicorns. ANGELS AND BUTTERFLIES. It wouldn't flush for anything, but it smelled like HAPPINESS AND LOVE.

The toilet was all ready for help....so we could dig out the computer mouse flushed by my baby and get the toilet back into working order.

(WHY do my children have to be so precocious in the dark arts????)

Except Addison didn't get that memo. About the toilet, that is.

The clean scented waters drew her in. The temptation was irresistible, really. She had a need. It smelled so good.

Bam.

Broken, clogged-mouse-toilet became also Muddy Poop Pond 5000. (Muddy Poop Pond 5000, did NOT smell like happiness, as it turns out.)

This situation was discovered just as help arrived.

Papa arrived with tools and an award-winning spirit to help fix the toilet. (Anytime there is poop involved, awards should definitely be given, I think.)

Papa and Daddy got to work snaking out that toilet (after they fished out and drained the pond #respect).

The toilet had to be taken apart. Surgery was involved. Very precise situation there. Lots of super smelly things were filling the air. Lots of concentration. Lots of "Wow this is bad."

They finally had to take the toilet outside to get at the spot a bit better. This computer mouse was really, really, really stuck. (My baby is gifted, what can I say.)

This brave team worked it and worked it and WORKED IT until... (I think an actual garden hose was involved?)

...BAM.

A poop covered computer mouse popped out.

(Side bar and totally unrelated: I have a computer mouse for sale for SO CHEAP.)

Yay! Problem solved! They SAVED the new toilet!

Except.

As Aaron was reinstalling the now clog-free toilet, I heard some very VERY naughty words that preceded the phrase, "it just cracked". (feel free to pray for him and his filthy, toilet-themed mouth)

So now the mouse-clogged-poop-filled-newly-rescued-toilet was very, very broken.

And this, THIS is how I ended up at the store for the first time since March 16th.

Obviously, I immediately impulse bought some beautiful flowers up front.

I also discovered something strange. With my spiffy new mask, I discovered breathing fogged up my glasses?

Struggling to balance this out, I stumbled into the store to purchase a new toilet, ten minutes before closing.

Long story short, with my fogged up vision and an empty store and mass confusion from not remembering how to actually shop in a store??? I ended up with the most expensive toilet possible.

But by the time I was checking out and it was discovered that it had been misshelved....this toilet cruise had sailed.

I drove home in silence, and I thought about how glorious it was to drive in silence. And I realized I hadn't been alone in my van since early March either.

The feeling was glorious. All alone. A stolen moment. Made possible only by that mouse-poop catastrophe. It was breathtaking, really. A tiny refill on my toilet tank of life. (too far?)

But putting a positive spin on this felt a lot like the pic of my beautiful flowers on top of the new toilet in the store. Toilet flowers.

Very 2020.

But anyhoo. Currently sitting in the new room surrounded by new toilet parts (install is currently paused as hubs had to go back to work), remembering this morning when he first said, "Hey, has anyone seen my mouse? I left it right here on the couch....."

Good times.

It's been a day. After a week. After a month/year.

I'm focusing on the toilet flowers.

Poop-covered toilet mouse?

I got TWO ten minute rides in the van ALL ALONE in peace and quiet.

Stop it, life. YOU'RE SPOILING ME.

Toilet flowers. They're so pretty.

Almost as pretty as this gorgeous, brown and white striped computer mouse that I have for sale......

#diaryofaquarantinedmom