the perfect baby
Lately I have had a lot of interactions that have troubled me. Perhaps it's just people thinking through the definition of words differently than I do- or perhaps people not realizing how their wording is coming across.
Seeing someone else say online recently:
"The mother was told that her child would have Down syndrome, but then, praise God- he was born perfect instead"
and
people suggesting that the reason that "extras" I deal with Addison bother me because she is then "no longer perfect"
and
friends returning from an ultrasound saying "THANK GOODNESS the baby looks perfect- no abnormalities!"
I could go on, but I'll stop there.
Let me just stand tall in my little bloggy world and proclaim to all of you that I have a two year old little girl. Her body is covered in scars from surgeries (four, to be exact), she wears braces on her feet and glasses on her eyes. She has 47 chromosomes instead of 46
and she is perfect.
How can I say that so confidently?
Because she was designed by a perfect and loving God who makes NO MISTAKES.
It's not as if he looked at her after she was born and said "oops. I really messed up that one. She's going to have to stay in the NICU for a long time and have some surgeries to fix her heart. Man, I really made a huge mistake here. WHY can't I get those chromosomal issues right? She will have such a HARD life."
No, he formed her exactly to need those things- he created every last chromosome in her body, divinely adding in the extra. He knew that she would have a hard life- and then provided all of the tools and grace necessary for her to rock the difficulty and make it almost appear easy. He then placed her in MY family because he knew that we needed her. He not only allowed her to have health problems and Down syndrome- he DESIGNED her PERFECTLY that way.
I know we all have in our mind what we think our children should be like, but just because something different comes along it doesn't mean that a mistake was made. It just means that we need to adjust our previous expectations thinking that we "deserve" a certain kind of baby.
Struggling with a child who is delayed and you don't know why?
God makes no mistakes-your child is perfectly designed.
Worrying about a prenatal diagnosis?
God makes no mistake-your child is perfectly designed.
Figuring out how you're going to raise a child with a hearing impairment?
God makes no mistakes-your child is perfectly designed.
Crying tears of anguish over a scary new medical procedure looming for your child?
God makes no mistakes-your child is perfectly designed.
All we really want in life is for people to accept us for who we are rather than constantly trying to make us into who they think we should be.
Why can't we do the same for our children?
Can you imagine? "Deanna, if I had known that YOU would be YOU, I would have ended your life before you were born because man....we really wanted a child with a different personality. Yours is rather hard to handle. If ONLY we had that perfect baby that we dreamed about before we met you."
Why can't we hold our new bundles in our arms (or peer at them in their NICU beds) and say with thankfulness "I have been given a perfect baby" no matter WHAT dim prognosis we were just told by the depressing doctor.
You may look at my life and think that you could never do what I do. You could never be Addison's mother.
Well, news flash: I look at your life and think I could never do what YOU do. Because that's just the way it works.
God designs our children perfectly and then puts them in the family that is perfectly suited to grow and stretch along with the growth of the said child.
The tendency of motherhood is often to look at our children as next year's Toddlers and Tiaras contestants. Finding faults- picking out "defects"- trying to form our children into what we feel they should be in order to win a coveted prize of awesomeness or to be the next great whatever.
Why can't we just accept them for who they are? Who they were designed to be? Who God looked at after creating and said
"This is good"
If you're so afraid of having a child who is different, who are you to judge? Who are you to look at a baby and said that he/she is imperfect just because that baby is not what was expected?
Trials in parenting are not about being fair- or about us getting more than our share. It's about our response. It's about letting ourselves adjust to the change and then loving our perfect bundles around the g-tube and cherishing them while preparing for yet another heart surgery.
What is parenting all about anyway? Is it about having "show children" who grow up smart and beautiful, who become genius', changing the world through inventions, cures and laws?
My humble opinion is that parenting is about acceptance. Loving the child you were given- pushing that child to top their best (not the world's definition of "best"- THEIR best)- enjoying that child for EXACTLY who he/she is.
Yes, I share with you my growing pains- this is my place to talk it out- it's my way of coping. But never for a minute would I blame these pains on imperfection- they are simply me expressing how my expectations have to change in order to accept the perfect in my life.
Having a child with special needs is not always easy- and it doesn't need to be painted over with a glossy front in order to appear perfect and beautiful to this world.
Sometimes true beauty is found in the rawness- the brokenness- the truth. When you delve to the bottom of hardship- you can find yourself in a way that you never could if you sailed along life with happiness coming easily to you.
Who's to say how many chromosomes perfection requires? Who decides what is beautiful? Who has dibs on "smart" and "cool" being the most important thing you want for your child? Who says that "different" children are really the "different" ones- perhaps they're the only ones that are normal.
It's all about perspective.
Really, all any child wants is love- and to be equipped for the life in front of them. Each child will require different equipment for a successful life. EACH child- diagnosis or not. Why do we allow a diagnosis to be so paralyzing?
Yes, if there is a diagnosis, find out what it is so that you can tap into the resources available to you to help your child become the best version of himself/herself. You are not alone in what you're going through. But in no way allow that diagnosis to take away your joy as a parent because at the end of the day?
There is a divine reason why. And even if we don't know what it is now- it's only up to us to take it one day at a time, reveling in the happiness that is right in front of us- one perfect smile at a time.
Note: I am NOT announcing the onesie giveaway winner today. Because of some slight miscommunication, the winner will be announced next week instead. What does this mean to you? More time to enter. (-: Thanks for putting up with my first experience as giveaway host!
Seeing someone else say online recently:
"The mother was told that her child would have Down syndrome, but then, praise God- he was born perfect instead"
and
people suggesting that the reason that "extras" I deal with Addison bother me because she is then "no longer perfect"
and
friends returning from an ultrasound saying "THANK GOODNESS the baby looks perfect- no abnormalities!"
I could go on, but I'll stop there.
Let me just stand tall in my little bloggy world and proclaim to all of you that I have a two year old little girl. Her body is covered in scars from surgeries (four, to be exact), she wears braces on her feet and glasses on her eyes. She has 47 chromosomes instead of 46
and she is perfect.
How can I say that so confidently?
Because she was designed by a perfect and loving God who makes NO MISTAKES.
It's not as if he looked at her after she was born and said "oops. I really messed up that one. She's going to have to stay in the NICU for a long time and have some surgeries to fix her heart. Man, I really made a huge mistake here. WHY can't I get those chromosomal issues right? She will have such a HARD life."
No, he formed her exactly to need those things- he created every last chromosome in her body, divinely adding in the extra. He knew that she would have a hard life- and then provided all of the tools and grace necessary for her to rock the difficulty and make it almost appear easy. He then placed her in MY family because he knew that we needed her. He not only allowed her to have health problems and Down syndrome- he DESIGNED her PERFECTLY that way.
I know we all have in our mind what we think our children should be like, but just because something different comes along it doesn't mean that a mistake was made. It just means that we need to adjust our previous expectations thinking that we "deserve" a certain kind of baby.
Struggling with a child who is delayed and you don't know why?
God makes no mistakes-your child is perfectly designed.
Worrying about a prenatal diagnosis?
God makes no mistake-your child is perfectly designed.
Figuring out how you're going to raise a child with a hearing impairment?
God makes no mistakes-your child is perfectly designed.
Crying tears of anguish over a scary new medical procedure looming for your child?
God makes no mistakes-your child is perfectly designed.
All we really want in life is for people to accept us for who we are rather than constantly trying to make us into who they think we should be.
Why can't we do the same for our children?
Can you imagine? "Deanna, if I had known that YOU would be YOU, I would have ended your life before you were born because man....we really wanted a child with a different personality. Yours is rather hard to handle. If ONLY we had that perfect baby that we dreamed about before we met you."
Why can't we hold our new bundles in our arms (or peer at them in their NICU beds) and say with thankfulness "I have been given a perfect baby" no matter WHAT dim prognosis we were just told by the depressing doctor.
You may look at my life and think that you could never do what I do. You could never be Addison's mother.
Well, news flash: I look at your life and think I could never do what YOU do. Because that's just the way it works.
God designs our children perfectly and then puts them in the family that is perfectly suited to grow and stretch along with the growth of the said child.
The tendency of motherhood is often to look at our children as next year's Toddlers and Tiaras contestants. Finding faults- picking out "defects"- trying to form our children into what we feel they should be in order to win a coveted prize of awesomeness or to be the next great whatever.
Why can't we just accept them for who they are? Who they were designed to be? Who God looked at after creating and said
"This is good"
If you're so afraid of having a child who is different, who are you to judge? Who are you to look at a baby and said that he/she is imperfect just because that baby is not what was expected?
Trials in parenting are not about being fair- or about us getting more than our share. It's about our response. It's about letting ourselves adjust to the change and then loving our perfect bundles around the g-tube and cherishing them while preparing for yet another heart surgery.
What is parenting all about anyway? Is it about having "show children" who grow up smart and beautiful, who become genius', changing the world through inventions, cures and laws?
My humble opinion is that parenting is about acceptance. Loving the child you were given- pushing that child to top their best (not the world's definition of "best"- THEIR best)- enjoying that child for EXACTLY who he/she is.
Yes, I share with you my growing pains- this is my place to talk it out- it's my way of coping. But never for a minute would I blame these pains on imperfection- they are simply me expressing how my expectations have to change in order to accept the perfect in my life.
Having a child with special needs is not always easy- and it doesn't need to be painted over with a glossy front in order to appear perfect and beautiful to this world.
Sometimes true beauty is found in the rawness- the brokenness- the truth. When you delve to the bottom of hardship- you can find yourself in a way that you never could if you sailed along life with happiness coming easily to you.
Who's to say how many chromosomes perfection requires? Who decides what is beautiful? Who has dibs on "smart" and "cool" being the most important thing you want for your child? Who says that "different" children are really the "different" ones- perhaps they're the only ones that are normal.
It's all about perspective.
Really, all any child wants is love- and to be equipped for the life in front of them. Each child will require different equipment for a successful life. EACH child- diagnosis or not. Why do we allow a diagnosis to be so paralyzing?
Yes, if there is a diagnosis, find out what it is so that you can tap into the resources available to you to help your child become the best version of himself/herself. You are not alone in what you're going through. But in no way allow that diagnosis to take away your joy as a parent because at the end of the day?
There is a divine reason why. And even if we don't know what it is now- it's only up to us to take it one day at a time, reveling in the happiness that is right in front of us- one perfect smile at a time.
Note: I am NOT announcing the onesie giveaway winner today. Because of some slight miscommunication, the winner will be announced next week instead. What does this mean to you? More time to enter. (-: Thanks for putting up with my first experience as giveaway host!