Half Caf Coffee Destroys My Life

Yesterday, I was shocked to discover that I had pulled a rookie coffee drink drinker mistake. I purchased a large canister of coffee at Costco last week...which after studying the labeling more closely honestly appeared to be 1/2 Caffeine.
*Edit: this seems to have been called into question by several readers, but my sleep deprived mind saw what it saw, so let me have this one little thing...it helps to have something tangible to pin a rough weekend on (-:
*Edit: If it is NOT 1/2 Caffeine...it is perhaps the weakest regular coffee I have ever tasted and should have the labeling re-looked at by a different team of advertisers because it is CONFUSING!

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Yesterday when this was discovered, I typed the following FB status while sipping the weakened brew:
Just realized that the coffee that I bought in bulk this week says "1/2 Caffeine" in TINY letters on the back of the can. I feel that this should be illegal. More appropriate advertising would be LARGE BLOCK LETTERS on the front letting me know that this product will turn my mornings into a snooze fest.

Despite my horror at being "tricked" into buying something that was NOT full octane, I felt like I would be OK for a couple of days until I could drag my brood back to the store to get something stronger to mix this can with.

...but then it's as if my children somehow KNEW that a full night's sleep was a higher priority last night than most because the following happened:

1am I hear a small choking noise, so I run into Carter's room. Carter was sleeping peacefully, so I went into Addison's and discovered that she was vomiting all over herself, her blankets and her bed. I wake up Aaron (who claims not to remember this now) who replaced her bed linens while I changed her, brushed her teeth and got her a bottle of water (which she wouldn't TOUCH)

1:30 I go back to bed since she seemed to have calmed down

1:33 I hear more choking and crying

1:33 I go change Addison, her bed and blankets yet again (Aaron refuses to stir)

1:45 I stroke her hair and place a damp cloth on her forehead which seems to help her settle

2:00 I finally go back to bed

2:01 Carter wakes up to eat

2:02 Feed Carter a full 8 ounces which he quickly tucked away

2:20 I go back to bed

2:30  Desperate crying comes from Carter's room, I go running in not even taking the time 

to put my robe on

2:31  I pick up Carter

2:32 8 ounces of slightly processed milk comes spewing all over me, the rug in his room, his car seat that is right next to his bed, and my robe on the floor

2:33 I change Carter (who also has had a blowout diaper) and put him back in bed now happy

2:35 I change my pajamas, scrub the floor in Carter's room and add the laundry to the plastic bag of Addison's laundry from the night.

2:50 I go back to bed

3:00 Addison begins to cry and moan

3:01 I go stroke Addison's hair and get her a new damp cloth while trying to teach her to throw up in the tupperware container I gave her rather than all over her sheets

3:25 I go back to bed

3:30 Addison cries some more, I go back for more comfort duties. 

4:30 She finally lets me leave to go back to bed. I feel a spot on my arm that I didn't quite get all of Carter's throw up off. My hands are peeling dry skin from washing my hands so many times from between handling kids.

5:00 I finally fall back asleep/Addison falls asleep.

7:30 Carter wakes up to eat

8:00 Aaron wakes up and asks if I slept as wonderfully as he did

8:01 Husband gets murdered

No seriously, last night was rough rough rough. And THEN to wake up and realize that I only have HALF CAFFEINE to make it through today is just too cruel.

I wonder if mine will be the first lawsuit that their advertising team has gotten...

(oh and if you are a local contemplating stopping by with some real coffee, please don't. No need to share the germs and most likely I will still be in my pajamas...covered in that hour's flavor of vomit)

oh and just to warn you, this post will cross TMI, so read only if you have a high gross tolerance (wait, is that the right place to put this warning??? So hard to think without a clear head)

so, yeah...happy mondayzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz