If you want to feel better about your 2020 day, today a dentist made my child into a pirate without my permission.

A pirate? You say. A pirate.

It all started with his dentist appointment in early April.

Which...you guessed it...got cancelled by the dentist's office.

The next available appointment after everything opened back up was in August.

I dutifully took him in.

EXCEPT.

That was the appointment I told you guys about that they would NOT let me go into his appointment with him because I had other kids with me. They absolutely would not let me in.

So he went in alone.

Since I have 5 kids and in 10 years have never had ONE cavity, I thought I would get a similar report and we would soon be on our merry way.

Negative, ghost rider.

A dental hygienist came out into the parking where my banned self and 4 other kids were waiting to tell me that he had some cavities.

"We wish you would have brought him in sooner."

SOONER????? Was this a joke? YOU CANCELLED MY RIGHT ON TIME APPOINTMENT.

But okay. It's 2020. I'll roll with it. What do we need to do?

"He needs to get them filled. You need to make more appointments."

Okay. Will do.

Literally one hour later I made the next available appointment.

Which was today.

We arrived. Promptly. (Having learned my lesson, I had the other kids elsewhere. Grandma is awesome.)

They made us wait a half hour. In the cold. Outside.

Coolio. Just finished catching up on 5 kids physicals, immunizations, dentist cleanings...but okay. We are here. Let's do this.

They finally took us back to the exam room for his fillings....as I had scheduled as the hygenist had instructed me to. FILLINGS.

The only thing that was mentioned to me was paperwork that I had to sign to say I would pay extra for the laughing gas.

"Do we have to use it? Is there another option?"

"No. At this age, he needs this. It is very uncomfortable."

Having never had a child do a normal filling, I just nodded along. Okay. It's been a million years since I've personally needed a cavity filled, but I can see where she was coming from. Uncomfortable, yes.

So I signed for laughing gas. And then sat in the corner with Vivian strapped tightly in her carseat (I've also learned my lesson through my month of catch up appointments that they won't turn a baby away. Just the older kids). I spent the next bit trying to keep her happy. Unable to see what they were doing. But I shouted out encouragement to Eli as he needed and focused on keeping her from escaping her seat to lick the floor.

"All right, it's all done! Do you want to see?" The dentist asked.

Okay! Yay! We are done!

I got up from my seat and moved closer so I could take a look.

What I saw next knocked the wind right out of my Mom of the Year self.

WHAT THE HECK. "Um. ARE you done? His tooth is....metal??? The whole thing is metal?"

"Yes. Did they not mention this?"

DOES THIS SHOCKED LOOK LIKE THIS WAS MENTIONED TO ME?

My little (first grade) baby had A METAL TOOTH. (Does this appointment come with a leisure suit and a large, gold medallion?)

"They should have gone over this at his last appointment and explained it all to you. Did they not do this?"

"You guys wouldn't let me in the last appointment. You made him go in alone. This was never once mentioned to me. The hygienist only said he had cavities that needed fillings and that I should make appointments. Which I did. We are here for FILLINGS."

"Oh. Well, if you had brought him in sooner, we could have done just a regular filling. But because you waited we had to do a root canal and a metal tooth wrap."

"AND NO ONE COULD MENTION THIS TO ME? NOT ONE TIME?"

When you wrap my baby's tooth in metal, a girl deserves a heads up.

Also...sooner?? YOU cancelled my April appointment! I am doing the best I can here. I literally brought him in the second this year, 2020, physically allowed.

The dentist apologized. He was going to research how such an egregious miscommunication could happen.

Sorry doesn't take away the fact that my child is now shouting, "AHOY ME HEARTIES!"

Shaking, I took my metal-toothed baby home. (He's in first grade but STILL.)

He's got another appointment in a month. Ya know...for the other cavities.

I'm not sure if I need a new dentist or a plank to walk off of.

Eli is convinced now that he has a gold tooth (it is not gold) that he is now king of the world. And he's now in charge of all his siblings. (All siblings have come to complain to me about this. Separately. Since there are so many of them...this complaining has taken up most of the afternoon. Today has just been a gift.)

Thankfully, it's just shy of his smile. Well, if he does a huge smile you will see a sparkle and a glink (and possibly some alligators trailing him quietly.)

Also, thankfully it is just a baby tooth.

As fate would have it, tomorrow I have appointments for Addison and Carter to get some teeth removed (different place) at the start of their orthodonture work.

SO WE COULDN'T LINE UP THE TEETH THAT NEED TO BE REMOVED WITH THE TOOTH THAT REQUIRED AN ENTIRE METAL WRAP?????

Coolio. 

Moral of the story: It's 2020. If we skip our kid's regular doctors/dentist appointments because of all the new COVID restrictions...we are screwed. But also....if we work our BUTTS off to still keep them all...we are also screwed.

Also...it's 2020. Require all procedures in writing before anyone lays a hand on your kiddo. Everyone is all messed up and basic procedures are getting lost.

LIKE TELLING PARENTS IMPORTANT THINGS.

Now if you will excuse me, he is requesting a patch for one eye and started to grow a low pony.

I wonder if he'll give me a last meal request?

#momlife