It's ironic, really. I just posted the other day how I was so pleased that I had managed to keep my daughter alive 14 months...and I did a guest post for Patti talking about how I celebrate Addison's miracle life every day...

And apparently little Miss Chubbs logged on in her secretly wired crib, read what I wrote and decided to give me a run for my money (since this mommy gig is such a high paying job)

It all started yesterday right before her nap. She had been super cuddly and whiny all morning-wanting to be held. I thought maybe her teeth were bothering her or perhaps some painful gas as she ate a fair share of black beans for the first time the day before. SO I cuddled and hugged as much as I could. But then I carried her into her room for naptime, set her down on the floor so that I could change her crib sheet and within seconds she started just wailing. I thought she was just crying for attention-again, so I ignored her for a few minutes while I finished the job of changing her sheet. I turned around, saw two of the largest alligator tears rolling down her cheeks and her mouth was just overflowing with blood. What?! My back was turned for literally 2-maybe 3 minutes and she hadn't moved. What did she do? After cleaning up the blood and discovering the source, I figured out that she must have tried to take a bite out of the tupperware container holding her summer clothes that was on the floor next to her...and it cut her lip (that was a LOT of blood for such a little lip)

But that display of blood was nothing compared to what happened next-after her nap. We always do a snack right after naptime...and it's usually some sort of fruit. She's beeen doing great with solid foods and has almost 6 teeth that she knows how to use to get the job done.

Yesterday's snack of choice was cantaloupe. Addison absolutely LOVES cantaloupe. She's been successfully eating it for months-it's the number one thing that helps her teething woes.

After a few carefully chewed cantalope pieces, little miss Addison decided that she wanted to try the next one without chewing-so she swallowed it whole. It wasn't a big piece, but needed to be broken up a bit before being swallowed.

She started making choking noises-which I had to look very closely to discern if they were real because she enjoys making fake choking noises for attention. Her face turning red, yes this was real.

I flipped her over as quickly as possible over my knee and gave her back a couple of firm pats. I turned her around-still choking. The look in her eyes was the scariest thing I've ever seen. I could see her pleading with me to please help her breathe again.

I flipped her over a second time-even firmer pats-and more of them. Turned her back over...still nothing, and then (scariest thing EVER) she went completely limp in my arms.

Freaking out inside, but wanting to stay calm to help my daughter-I flipped her over a third time, patted very aggressively on her back and made strong upward pushing motions on her back to encourage the food to travel upward out into her mouth.

Not sure what did the trick, but when I flipped her back over after that third attempt, she was breathing and had a whole lot of spit falling out of her mouth...with a limp piece of cantaloupe sitting innocently on the floor.

I'm still shaking even as I write this-a day later because that scared me so much. I can still feel her little body going limp in my arms with that panicked look in her eyes silently screaming "Please help me!" Pretty sure this is going to create some pretty significant paranoia on my part-and nightmares.

She normally eats solid food really great, she loves the texture of solids more than the texture of pureed baby food- but for the rest of the day, she wouldn't touch anything, not even stage 2 baby food. She only wanted her bottle. Can you blame the poor girl?

In a few minutes our OT is coming for her weekly appointment. Normally I'm not a huge fan, but I'm thankful to be able to talk this over with her and ask advice for keeping Addison from choking herself on small bites of food in the future.

There were other small suicidal attempts yesterday-coming very close to pulling the laptop on top of her head, attempting to drown herself in the bathtub by sticking her face right into the water for a "drink", crawling as fast as possible on the bed to jump off the end before I could catch her...sigh. That little girl really kept me on my toes yesterday.

Not sure what Addison's deal was-testing me no doubt. I hope she still sees me fit to be her mother. I am so incredibly glad that it's a new, fresh day.

And I'm glad to have another day to celebrate my daughter's life. Thankful.God is good.